You may or may not have heard of Division of Responsibility, by Ellyn Satter. It is a theory around eating with children and I crush on it day in day out.

With young children, there is many a moment of tension and frustration with feeding and eating. Some are very developmental and normal and some might be more stressful and perhaps need support external to the home.

If the “fussiness” is relatively developmental, then this theory is for you.

If perhaps you think the fussiness is something else or a bit too much for you to handle, I generally look at the number of foods a child eats as a way to suggest they need external support from a paediatric OT or speechie. Under 20 foods is one numerical value thrown around. And that is also penne pasta is one and then wholemeal spaghetti is a second, not just pasta as one, if that makes sense.

If you also see other challenges within your darling such as structural to physiological within their mouth or jaw – definitely a speechie. Or perhaps if there are sensory or other diagnoses – a speechie or an OT is a good idea to connect with.

So back to D.O.R.

It goes like this.

A parent is responsible for:

• What is cooked
• When it is cooked and served.
• Where it is served.

A child is responsible for:

• If they eat it and
• how much they eat.

Let’s bring some nuance to this.

Parent – me.

We like to eat nachos at our house. I generally cook it. I decide (with a little input from the family) what the menu is for the week due to how much red meat, chicken, vego etc, budget etc, what is happening during the week. Afterschool activities, work, blah blah.

Therefore this week, the nachos is chicken based. Shredded chicken. That is my responsibility.

Let’s add in some consideration.

I do take into consideration that one of my daughter’s doesn’t like “stringy” chicken, so I also add some bean mix as a side. Said daughter also doesn’t like melted cheese so I have one larger pan with 2/3 with chicken, 1/3 with bean mix. All with cheese. The second smaller pan has bean mix only with no cheese.

I am considering my daughter’s needs but not catering completely. She has an option of the bean mix and it doesn’t drastically over complicate it for me.

I have still decided the meal here, with consideration. Consider not cater.

When – me.

Generally, now that my children are older, the youngest is 10, we eat at 6:30pm. It means my husband is also home. And most extra curricular is done.

Perhaps two years ago, it was 5:30 to 6pm. And say 5 years ago, it was 5-5:30pm.

I decide these times based on the family needs.

Where – me.

Dinner table, every night. Always.

 

And then, the kids.

They are served the dishes with sides a plenty and serve themselves how much they want. Sometimes the said daughter above might eat basically all sides and approximately 1 tbsp of bean mix.

My son, sometimes needs a little suggestion to add some meat, but he picks most other things.

I also add a few wraps in case they want to make a burrito out of it.

 

You say,

“But my child will only eat sour cream, two tomatoes and 7 chips.”

I say, “Ok, let’s look at the meal before, afternoon tea, what did they eat? What did you prepare. What are they asking for afterwards?”

I say, “ What is your rhythm of meals during the day?”

I say, “Does it matter if she only eats that? What else has she eaten during the day? Is breakfast or lunch her favourite meal?”

There is a lot of context and nuance. There always is. But I do like this framework for our family meals. So much so…

 

I am going to host a live chat/webinar thingy on here next week.

Tuesday 21st at 1:30pm AEST.

It will be live, but it will also be recorded.

It will be on our Foodie Education webinar site – you can be told when it is going live here

 

We are going to do a few of these little webinars, monthly. The next two on fussy eating. As a few families at The Golden Grove have been talking about their child’s needs and ways of eating, and one I suggested she already knew what she needed to do. The other I suggested she seek paediatric feeding support, primarily from a Speechie.

I’d love to help you too.

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